How to get your gentleman swagger on: Ten tips on dating cosplayer girls

In the fickle world of cosplaying, relationships start and end in the bat of an eyelid. Personally speaking, I’m totally against it since relationships should be sincere, and entering one should be for all the right reasons one has. However, one can never deny that if a relationship fails, there is a person at fault, whether it is the man, or the lady.

Even so, have you woken up one morning, walked into the bathroom and looked inside your boxers before you take a piss? What do you see? Besides your shlong, that’s right, you’re going to see your testicles. In your many years of existence, maybe you haven’t even asked why you have it, but the answer is a lot more simple(and less scientific) than you think it is: you’re a man.

And what do real men do instead of pointing fingers when a relationship breaks down? They look at their own faults and correct themselves. Rather than wallowing in self-pity and watching re-runs of 5cm per second, we improve ourselves with everyday that passes. So here it is, PancitLomi’s guide to doing it right with cosplaying girlfriends.

1.If you want to know a girl, approach her in real life. Often times,when a guy spots an attractive cosplayer, he doesn’t even take time to sincerely and actually interact with the girl. Instead he waits until he gets home, logs on to his multiply account and starts searching for photo albums pertaining to the convention, where he might chance upon pictures of the girl he was interested in.

A few questions later, he now knows her every social networking username, where he will bug the girl like hell. This should not be the case; real relationships start with real conversations. Gather all the courage you have, and talk to her and introduce yourself like a real gentleman should. It’ll show how confident you are of yourself, and it’s a lot better than stalking all her facebook, twitter, tumblr or other whatnot social networking accounts.

2.Give tangible gifts, not facebook gifts. Seriously, how can you be proud of giving your cosplay goddess an intangible, permutating group of 2d sprites and pixels pretending to be animals you facebook-tards like to call pets? Go get the lady a real present, dammit, from a crane machine (even if you suck at it like GT) or a well-thought out gift shop. Think about it: would she be happy if she received a Tommy Gun or a Bat Transformation skill in facebook than a gift you’ve saved up all your money for?

Alternatively, a lot of ladies appreciate gifts you made yourself, as long as its tangible. For example, you could give her a bento you cooked yourself, with fried rice, hotdogs and an omelette in it. After you give it, give her a nice little Japanese bow, to show your respect and admiration for her.

3.Do not declare your relationship status online. Real relationships happen offline. Don’t wait for her to change her facebook status to “in a relationship” to confirm the reciprocation of her love, and don’t freak out when she still appears as “single” after you’ve dated for the nth time. Make it official like real men do – face to face, in person, with your dick properly tucked in.

4.Pick on someone your own size. Not literally someone whos the same size as you are, but someone who is just as old as you are. Someone you can consider an intellectual equal and who’ll gain the same value of mutual benefits.

You see, there’s something really magical with homologous relationships. It’s like getting a déjà vu of stepping on dog jumblar; it’s destined. It’s like Peanut butter & Jelly.It’s like Tito, Vic & Joey.There’s something really right with it. Cross that line, and there’s something really wrong with it. Normally, it’s okay if it’s a one to two year gap, but six or seven years? Come on. That’s both pedophilia and incest. You can’t even get proper conversations from that setup, unless the older guy can act half his brain age.

If you’re that old from her, you’re supposed to act like a big brother who’ll steer her into the right path of the moral compass, not steer her into your, well, yeah. And you cosplayers even say it’s a normal thing in the pinoy cosplay scene? Well read this, and fuck you! *erm.* Besides, it’s a lot easier to be introduced to a girl’s parents when you’re not over half a decade older and when the parents are not flinching when they hear your age.

5.Real confessions are handwritten, not typewritten. Even the infamous Palmtop Tiger did this. Ok, so she maybe a female, but real men do write on pink, scented hello-kitty designed stationery for the girl they like, and they aren’t bothered by the idea of doing so. Why? Because they know that what they do is for the happiness of the lady they love. It takes a lot of balls to write it out and give it to that one special person and definitely a lot of effort is needed, too.

Instead of texting or chatting online, there’s a real challenge with writing down all you warm fuzzy feelings on a piece of paper that attacks your manhood the moment you look at it and smell it’s girly aromatics, even more so when you start writing on it. This also isn’t just about confessions. Love letters, poems, cheesy diatribes – they all should be painstakingly written on paper with every ounce of dedication you can give, not digitally transcribed by just a few keystrokes.

6. Break ups involve real tears, not emoticons crying.- :)

7. Spend real time with her. Instead of chatting and texting, there’s a real sense of sincerity with spending time with her, and the girl will feel happy if you’re happy around her. Remember, real life interactions always beats the coldness of online and telephone convos. Instead of twirling the telephone cord listening to the beautiful voice of your cosplay goddess, you can hold her hand and actually talk to her. Your choice, buddy.

8. Photoshoots don’t substitute as real dates. Photoshoots are really deceving. For those of you who don’t know, its an age-old chanero tactic for dick-minded photographers to invite the cosplay girl they “like”, and the girl, looking at it as an innocent and harmless event goes to the said “photo-shoot” where they take “pictures” of her in cosplay gear.

If you’re a real man, you will state your supposedly unperverted intentions to the cosplaying girl you’re interested in, and that you wish to have a date with her, rather than deceive her. Sometimes, girls do appreciate that kind of old-school sincerity. If you get turned down, well, you have to respect her decision.

If you do get a thumbs-up and a soul melting smile, remember: you do NOT take her to La Mesa Eco Park; You take her to Makkan Sutra or any nice restaurant to have a nice little dinner. You do not point your camera at her skirt to fill your SD card with fap fuel; you take her to a romantic carousel ride and treasure the memories in your head. It’s all about being straight to the point, honest and gentlemanly to your cosplaying goddess.

9. Make sure that when you lay your hands on her shoulders and get your picture taken together, it’s not the first time you see her on the cosplay floor. Consider the position of the cosplaying girl. It’s both awkwards and scary to be held so close to a complete stranger. And besides, don’t act like you know her that well, and remember that she doesn’t know who you are, too.

10. Stop buying her online on friends for sale. Seriously, stop it. If you’re right in the head and you aren’t missing nuts and bolts from your cranium, you know all too well that there’s something wrong with buying and selling people online even if it’s just a game. Your friends, especially your cosplay goddess is supposed to be priceless, and should not amount to any kind of online moolah. Imagine summing up to only 1,000,000 dollars. That is freakin’ pathetic, you’re a human being, for crying out loud!

If you really want to be sincere enough by gratifying her material needs, spend some real money for her. Work hard for that money. Invest time in making her happy not by amassing virtual dough but sweating for real cold cash.

Well, there you go, folks. To sum it all up, stop being insensitive jerks and start actually caring for the cosplayer you are in a relationship in. No matter how weird or eccentric they may be, act like a real gentleman, be sincere, honest and courteous and thoughful, and every little thing’s gonna be alright. Also remember that when you’re in the world of cosplay, you’re not exactly dealing with the sanest and most sensible people on the planet. Learn how to pick the cream of the crop, treat her well, and maybe you’ll get the healthy relationship you’ve been looking for.